If the pleasure is more in the hunt than in acquisition, and anticipation is far more exciting than fulfillment, why does one seek a culmination of desire at all?
A friend was most flustered when after the first night of honeymoon, she found her new husband reflective and somewhat depressed. Upon prodding, his answer was, “I love you more than ever, but it upsets me that there will never be a first night again with you ever again…..”
He explained to her how he had anticipated and looked forward with great intensity to their first time together. And now that it was behind them, he felt a bit lost….almost as if he had lost something precious. Weird? Romantic? Yes, a bit of both, but doesn’t it happen to all of us at some point or the other? We tend to get so caught up in the anticipation that not only do we forget to enjoy the present moments but are at a total loss once we achieve what we desired!
It is true that the thrill of anticipation never does quite match the realization. And some of the most powerful experiences in life are those that never meet fruition. In fact, according to a theory called the Zeigarnik effect, there is a psychological tendency to more vividly remember an uncompleted rather than a completed task. Memories are more vivid where the agenda has not been completed.
A gaze frozen in time can rekindle romantic memories through a lifetime, far more than if it had been a tangible reality. Indeed I do still recall the thrill of the furtive glances sent my way by an unnamed boy way back in the school bus. In that entire year of going back and forth from the school, we looked but never exchanged a word with each other, nor knew each others names!
Think of when you receive a gift. The highpoint is the moment just before the wrapping comes off. Once opened, the gift becomes a mundane part of life.
Or the act of lovemaking. All the pleasure, the trembling excitement is part of the anticipation. Poised on the edge of the precipice, fevered passion can only possibly take a downswing from here onwards…..
All your life you hanker after those solitaires, enjoying plenty pleasurable moments anticipating the moment you will own them. The moment comes and goes—and suddenly those solitaires are a possession, a reality of your everyday existence. What then?
Soon enough you hanker after something else! For it’s that hankering that gives you the adrenaline shots more than the acquisition.
If the pleasure is more in the hunt than in the acquisition, and anticipation is far more exciting than fulfillment, why does one seek a culmination of desire after all? It is at the point when we are poised on the brink of fulfillment that life’s most intensely pleasurable moments reside—when our desire is just to be fulfilled. Chocolate tastes the best between the first bite and just the moment before we swallow it—and then….it’s over, leaving behind a lingering guilt! There is a deep intensity in that one moment just before the anticipation takes the shape of reality. Were it possible to string together those moments, the awesome intensity would be unbearable!
“To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive,” said Robert Louis Stevenson. Living on the edge of discovery, to be poised on the verge is far more thrilling than the plunge itself.
But so focused are we on the destination, and so conditioned to be goal-oriented that we forget to enjoy the moments of expectation that awaits us on the brink of fulfillment. Right from childhood are we taught the importance of focusing on and achieving our goals. We are never told that what matters is excellence—not perfection of culmination. Seldom is a child taught to enjoy the journey as he goes along. Living on the edge of discovery, standing poised on the verge of achievement is always far more pleasurable than the achievement itself. That’s the lesson we all come across again and again in life…….
Would that love forever retained the thrill of anticipation and never become a harsh reality: would that the moment just before those solitaires are touched remained frozen in time: would that the gift remained just one fold beyond the wrapping paper……….
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
SILENT REALITY
THE MYSTERY OF FEMININE POWER
Women are powerful, have always been so. But their power is not crude or brutal like that of men
The power of women lies in tenderness, love, beauty and feminine grace. When they start seeking the same power as sought by men, they lose something very precious. Of course women should be strong and courageous, but not in the same way as men are. They should be strong in their own unique way – the feminine way. When they realise this uniqueness, no man can match their power.
Once Emporer Akbar asked Birbal : “ Sometimes, I get worried. All the people in my court look henpecked. Is there not even a single rave man here?”. Birbal said: “Looks difficult, but we will try to find one.”
They were all brave men. If ordered, they would put down their lives without a moment’s hesitation. Their bravery was not in any way suspect. Birbal made arrangements and said: “Tomorrow, come decided that you will assert the truth. Any body who tells a lie is going to the gallows. Think over it. The king wants to know the truth – are you afraid of your wife or not?”
They all came. The king said: “Those who are afraid of their wives should move to the right, and those who are not afraid should stay on the left.” All moved to the right except a single, tiny man. Akbar said: “I am happy because I thought that not even a single man would stay.” The lone man said: “Wait! Don’t be happy so soon. When I was coming here, my wife told me not to stand in the crowd! That’s why I am standing here.”
What makes a man fear a woman? Her feminine strength. Man can argue endlessly but, in most cases, the woman always wins. She may not produce even a good argument, but win she does.
Talking on Lao Tzu and his feminine principle, Osho explains: It is natural. The feminine principle wins. And Lao Tzu is all for the feminine principle. Why does the woman win? She is so soft. In fact she never fights, she persuades. She does not fight direct; her fight is indirect and subtle. If she wants to say no, She will not say so directly, but in thousand and one ways her whole being will say no. In the way she places the plate, in the way she moves, in her sari’s swish…..She will say no. She herself will say yes but her whole being will say no. How can you defeat something so subtle? If you love the woman you are defeated.”
Osho brings in the spirituality dimension: “And it is good that the hard is defeated and the soft wins because that is the only possibility for God to win in the world. The devil must be hard like rock. God must be soft. In the East, we never think of God as a father; rather we think of God as a mother. That insight is beautiful. God should not be thought of as a father because the male principle is hard. God should be thought of as a mother, feminine.”
God persuades you to come to him, yet he never forces you. You never meet him anywhere, yet you search for him. You never encounter him. He follows you as a subtle aroma. You never come face to face with him. You will find him deep in the stirrings of your heart. You will not find him like a storm; he comes like a subtle breeze. Only those who are very subtle will be able to feel it. He comes like a flower.
All the enlightened ones – such as Gautama Buddha – are like flowers and have feminine grace. That’s why people worship them as the incarnations of God. They have a feminine mystery and tremendous power that no Alexander The Great or Napoleon could have had. Their influence on humanity is eternal. Humanity surrenders to them out of reverence, while all the Alexanders who try to conquer the world fall miserably. Masculine power is violent, Feminine power is full of love and compassion.
Women are powerful, have always been so. But their power is not crude or brutal like that of men
The power of women lies in tenderness, love, beauty and feminine grace. When they start seeking the same power as sought by men, they lose something very precious. Of course women should be strong and courageous, but not in the same way as men are. They should be strong in their own unique way – the feminine way. When they realise this uniqueness, no man can match their power.
Once Emporer Akbar asked Birbal : “ Sometimes, I get worried. All the people in my court look henpecked. Is there not even a single rave man here?”. Birbal said: “Looks difficult, but we will try to find one.”
They were all brave men. If ordered, they would put down their lives without a moment’s hesitation. Their bravery was not in any way suspect. Birbal made arrangements and said: “Tomorrow, come decided that you will assert the truth. Any body who tells a lie is going to the gallows. Think over it. The king wants to know the truth – are you afraid of your wife or not?”
They all came. The king said: “Those who are afraid of their wives should move to the right, and those who are not afraid should stay on the left.” All moved to the right except a single, tiny man. Akbar said: “I am happy because I thought that not even a single man would stay.” The lone man said: “Wait! Don’t be happy so soon. When I was coming here, my wife told me not to stand in the crowd! That’s why I am standing here.”
What makes a man fear a woman? Her feminine strength. Man can argue endlessly but, in most cases, the woman always wins. She may not produce even a good argument, but win she does.
Talking on Lao Tzu and his feminine principle, Osho explains: It is natural. The feminine principle wins. And Lao Tzu is all for the feminine principle. Why does the woman win? She is so soft. In fact she never fights, she persuades. She does not fight direct; her fight is indirect and subtle. If she wants to say no, She will not say so directly, but in thousand and one ways her whole being will say no. In the way she places the plate, in the way she moves, in her sari’s swish…..She will say no. She herself will say yes but her whole being will say no. How can you defeat something so subtle? If you love the woman you are defeated.”
Osho brings in the spirituality dimension: “And it is good that the hard is defeated and the soft wins because that is the only possibility for God to win in the world. The devil must be hard like rock. God must be soft. In the East, we never think of God as a father; rather we think of God as a mother. That insight is beautiful. God should not be thought of as a father because the male principle is hard. God should be thought of as a mother, feminine.”
God persuades you to come to him, yet he never forces you. You never meet him anywhere, yet you search for him. You never encounter him. He follows you as a subtle aroma. You never come face to face with him. You will find him deep in the stirrings of your heart. You will not find him like a storm; he comes like a subtle breeze. Only those who are very subtle will be able to feel it. He comes like a flower.
All the enlightened ones – such as Gautama Buddha – are like flowers and have feminine grace. That’s why people worship them as the incarnations of God. They have a feminine mystery and tremendous power that no Alexander The Great or Napoleon could have had. Their influence on humanity is eternal. Humanity surrenders to them out of reverence, while all the Alexanders who try to conquer the world fall miserably. Masculine power is violent, Feminine power is full of love and compassion.
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